Senate passes bill to eliminate public education

Washington- In their latest effort to curb government spending in a flattening economy, the Congress approved a bill yesterday to eliminate funding for their most disposable department: the United States Public School System. The legislation calls for the complete removal of all public education schools after this following year due to decreased revenue for government spending after granting a much needed tax break for the wealthy. Senior West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd voted for the measure and believes there are far more pressing issues facing this country today then education.

"When the forefathers of this country won their freedom from the British, only the rich were able to get any education at all. It was also a time when Slavery was still legal, women didn't have rights, social mobility was lacking, and children that didn't behave were beaten and flogged. Hopefully, this is the first step towards getting this country to what it used to be."

The bill comes off the heels of the House of Representatives passing a proposal that eliminated student financial aid in an effort to cut down the problem of an increasing number of incoming college students. Together, these bills are expected to trim over $750 Billion Dollars off the federal budget, more then $150 billion larger then the goal set in a budget agreement earlier this year between the President and Congressional leaders. Texas Representative Ralph Hall says the bill was passed because public education is a lost cause.

"We passed the No Left Child Behind Act into law in 2001. The only way to ensure that no child gets left behind is if we can try to prevent any child from jumping ahead,"Hall said. "If we get rid of Public Education altogether, nobody will criticize us anymore for leaving any child behind again."

It's becoming more obvious that students are doing everything they can to prevent using their brain. A recent study has found that American Students performed towards the bottom in International testing despite spending over $11,000 per student in grade-level education per year. By the time the students are 25, they will be like many Americans-never worried about getting a job or advancing their career while living comfortably off welfare.

"My mother is able to support six kids without knowing a lick of algebra,"remarked 15-year-old James King. "Why should I care about school when the government takes care of me?"

The new law is expected to take effect after the end of the school year.